By Dr. Raymond Comeau

The operative word in differentiating between winners and losers is the noun accountability. The winners will take responsibility or accountability for whatever happens in their life. The losers will not. They will take the victim stance.

Feeling responsible for what happens in our life allows us to take and active role on influencing the outcome of most situations. Opting for the victim stance only gives the satisfaction that we are not responsible for whatever happens to us so, there is little we can do about it.

Now, for most people, the term responsible has a pejorative connotation. It is seen as being somewhat guilty of having done something wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth. Being responsible means that we hold ourselves accountable for what happens. That is, being willing to look honestly at the situation and try to find out what we could personally do to improve it.

It means that we will look inwardly and not outwardly to find a solution to life's challenges. We all have every control on how we chose to feel, think and behave but we have little or no control over others actions or reactions.

If I lose my job, I can take the loser's stance and decide that I am the victim of the recession so there is not much that I can do about my situation. Or I can chose to be accountable for my life and that will give me access to all the options that are available. A very small but most important distinction. The first option, being a victim, will take any responsibility for the situation off my shoulder but will not give me anything else.

On the other hand, if I chose to be accountable for the situation, I will look internally for a solution and I will immediately start seeing what my resources and options are and start acting accordingly.

If I find myself at discord with someone, I can blame the other person, feel like a victim and let the situation stagnate. Or I can chose accountability, look at the part that I have played in that discord and find how I can take personal action by changing my behavior to eliminate the point of friction and solve the problem.

Being accountable and choosing to change my behavior is not a sign of weakness but a sign of personal strength. The stronger a person is, the more giving and forgiving he is. The weaker a person is, the more demanding and unforgiving he will be.

There is little I can do to change others but I have complete control and mastery over my thoughts, feelings and actions. That is, if I'm a strong and accountable person.